The Sugar Spoon Caper

By Dan Jahns

I nonchalantly glanced over to the small breakfast area of the Hotel Nostos as I shuffled past the front desk. The Hotel Nostos is a small bed & breakfast tucked up a side alley in the Venetian Quarter of Chania on the isle of Crete. The interior is quintessential for the Venetian Quarter with sand colored stone masonry and royal blue painted tables and chairs. However, it wasn't the tables I was looking at, but rather the shining silver pots resting on each of those five tables. Inside those pots were pristine mounds of white sugar. Each of the metal lids had a semi circle carved out for a tiny silver spoon to be used for scooping out the sugar into tea or coffee (or directly into the hands of children eager for a sugar fix).

Except, in this case, there were no tiny silver spoons resting in those semi circle holes. Instead I could feel them clanging in the pocket of my shorts. As I glided by I could see a small army of hotel staff scurrying about preparing for the guests to arrive shortly for breakfast. My heart sank, the jig was up it seemed. My plan had been to wake up early and put the spoons back into each silver sugar pot before the hotel staff appeared and no one would be the wiser, but due to a continued bout of chronic jet lag, I woke up late and the staff were already patrolling back and forth like the Winky guards in the Wizard of Oz. But how did we get to this point? Let's back up a bit.

First, I should preface this story by saying that we have not fully financed this World Schooling adventure and while we have a few pieces of the finance plan in place (including renting out our house in Sonoma) and the ability to earn at least some income while abroad as Digital Nomads, the plan was always to be on a pretty strict budget. This was never intended to be an extended vacation where we invariably splash out on expensive dinners and attractions. I don't mention this to elicit sympathy - so please don't go starting up a GoFundMe campaign on our behalf! - we'll be fine, but I mention it only so what I did next will make more sense.

We had already blown through our budget pretty spectacularly during our London layover and the first day in Greece so on our second day we decided to purchase groceries at a supermarket outside of the touristy old city and eat our next few meals in our hotel room. They have a very nice roof deck with tables and chairs and it was going to be fun. Well, when I got back with all the groceries that morning and the kids poured themselves cereal with milk, they astutely pointed out that I forgot to purchase any spoons with which to eat said cereal. On a side note, they pointed this out with a particular zeal as they seem to relish highlighting moments when their dad does something stupid. Is that a thing or just with my kids?? :O

In any case, I could return to the supermarket, taking the long trek through the already oppressive heat and sticky humidity to purchase some plasticware, but we only really needed them for one meal as we would be in a fully stocked AirBnb starting the following day and it would be a waste of our rapidly depleting budget. So I came upon the idea of "borrowing" some spoons from the hotel kitchen, which I thought was very resourceful. It was still very early (see aforementioned Jahns Family Jet Lag) so when I snuck down into the breakfast area I found the kitchen door locked. Dagnabbit! I looked around and spied the tiny little sugar spoons poking out of the shiny sugar bowls. They were barely big enough to hold one piece of Kit Kat Cereal (I kid you not) and, as the kids would complain about later, there was only room for cereal or milk, not both! But it appeared to be the only option so I grabbed five of them and scurried back up the stairs to our room.

The plan was for the kids to eat quickly and then I would clean the spoons and return them to their rightful places in the sugar bowls, but I got distracted with getting ready for a run and started down the stairs to get that run in before it got stupid hot. When I lunged my way through the lobby (hey, ya gotta do a proper warm up at my age) I looked right and saw all of the activity happening in the breakfast area and thought "oh crap, the spoons!" and ran back up to the room.

So now you're all caught up with how I found myself staring at the breakfast room in the Hotel Nostos with 5 tiny metal spoons in my pocket. As I stood there trying to come up with a plan, the first thing that came to mind was to come clean. Just turn myself in to the nearest staff person and explain what I had done. I mean, what was the worst they would do? But then I thought, what's the fun in that? The thrill of pulling off the perfect sugar spoon caper was too much of a temptation for a man like me to resist. And like any accomplished liar (and for the record, we now prefer to be called "truth challenged") I had to concoct a story in case I got caught. Often when there is a language barrier you can just play that card, but that would be too easy - I like to be more creative than that. Plus, I assumed, correctly, that their English was good enough to take that tried and true method off the table.

While I was thinking of an excuse for why I had taken the spoons, I reached the bottom stair and stepped into the lobby. When I looked up I noticed that there were no staff in the breakfast room and I knew that this was my chance. I silently thanked the patron god of thieves and speed walked into the breakfast room. I hesitated for just a moment while looking through the open kitchen door where I could hear, but importantly, not see, any of the staff. I slipped the washed/cleaned tiny silver sugar spoons out of my pocket and one by one replaced them in the semi circular cut out in the shiny sugar bowls. It only took about 15 seconds to do them all, but it was the longest 15 seconds of my life. After the final spoon was back in place, I knew I was safe, but still I did not linger. I slipped out a side door unawares. As I jogged down the cobblestone alleyway leading to the harbor I started beating myself up about all of the rookie mistakes I made including not wearing gloves so as to prevent detection should the staff find something amiss and dust the spoons for fingerprints. But I consoled myself with the fact that purchasing gloves would have blown more of our budget and defeated the purpose of NOT purchasing plastic spoons in the first place.

In an ironic twist, it turns out that the breakfast was free for guests (I had been given incorrect information by Francesca, who, I have to say is usually ironclad on this stuff) so in retrospect, purchasing the breakfast cereal was an unnecessary use of travel funds. We did return to the scene of the crime the following morning though and enjoyed a sumptuous breakfast that included fresh squeezed orange juice, eggs, pastries and of course Greek yogurt. None of us dared touch the sugar bowl!